Palmdale, California 93552
Hi.
It has been over a year now since I became a widower. I have learned many things about this strange process we call mourning. (You might want to read the article I wrote at the six month junction. "Comments on the grief journey.") I believe that I am ready to move on with my life in what my mom calls my "new normal." To this end, this page is a no nonsense exploration of the values and standards which are important to me in the pursuit of new love. (If you have not read my bio information, please go to Meet Me, then follow the link to my conversation stack answers.)
As I look back on my 27 years of married life and ahead to a new love, I find there are five key facets to who I am that shape the expectations and standards I have.
I am first and above all a sinner saved by the grace of God. My humanity is very evident; I am tempted, I fall. I am human. But... my humanity is one that has been redeemed. There is a battle, but that there is a battle comes from my heart's desire to not live in the ways of the flesh but in the Spirit of God. I want, above all things, to live for Jesus. I love Him. I love His Word. I have been forgiven and have experienced His all abundant and lavish grace. Now I want to be surrendered to Him and obedient to His way and leading. I don't want there to be hindrances in life that would keep me from going to the farthest corners of the earth, or even Minnesota, should God call me to do so.
My body is a temple of the Holy Spirit. It is my desire to glorify God in my body. Though, again, my flesh (mostly my love of baked goods and my laziness) is in conflict, it is my desire to live a healthy, well balanced life.
The family is the central institution of our society. It may be hard to find a particular Biblical reference to back this conclusion, but I think Deuteronomy 6 is close. Verses 4-9 form the foundation for Isaelite society and should also for us: "Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates." To this end the home is a fortress and refuge where love abounds and where guests are welcome.
Though the earth is broken, I love this planet onto which we have been placed. I enjoy being in the "great outdoors." Among my most loved leisure activities are digging in the dirt--be it my railroad garden, flower garden, or vegetable garden; camping--which to me is a tent and sleeping bags with food cooked on an open fire; hiking; bicycling; canoeing; and fishing.
I am a passionate person who loves emotional and physical intimacy. God made us to be sexual beings, and He gave us special guidlines for the exercise of our creation within marriage.
Hebrews 13:4 (New American Standard Bible)
"Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled;..."
1 Corinthians 7:5 (New International Version)
"Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer."
Charlie Shedd, Celebration in the Bedroom; Charlie Shedd suggests that within marriage a couple may do anything that is not illegal, immoral, and hurtfull.
Dr. William F. Harley suggests among his basic concepts "The Policy of Joint Agreement: Never do anything without an enthusiastic agreement between you and your spouse." For a complete study of Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts visit Marriage Builders.
(NOTE: See also "Ten Reasonable Biblical Expectations for Marriage" posted at http://lumpofclay.net/blog/tenexpectations.htm.)
There is one other standard that I have set for myself regarding marriage. "Divorce is not an option," and on its heals "I will not marry someone who has been divorced." I have not come to this conclusion lightly or without cost. I have studied the the issue and debated it to great extent. For a more complete treatment of my conclusion please see my article on Divorce and Remarriage.
I am excited about the possibilities God is placing in my path. I look forward with much anticipation to this new chapter of my life.
Andy
May 10, 2007