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by J. Christian Andrews

August 26, 2015

"And He was saying, 'That which proceeds out of the man, that is what defiles the man. For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed the evil thoughts, fornications, thefts, murders, adulteries, deeds of coveting and wickedness, as well as deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride and foolishness. All these evil things proceed from within and defile the man.'" Mark 7:20-23 NASB

These happened in just the last few months. A well-known, admired comedian admitted to using drugs and his influence to get his groupies into bed though from the sounds of things plenty of them were willing and eager without those. The pastor at a prominent Florida church and evangelism center resigned because of an affair. He was on leave of absence prior to that because his wife had an affair. A recently released list of Ashley Madison customers revealed that a son of a Christian family of reality show fame and former executive officer of a Christian think tank had a paid account with the website and organization which promotes sexual affairs. In his confession, he admitted to both an addiction to pornography and to having committed adultery. I don’t call out these three men to be a gossip or to maliciously smear their names further across the internet. I reference them only because they are three current and prominent examples of how the mighty fall, how sin and particularly sexual sin has a unique power to captivate and destroy, and how it is true that our sins will find us out. I also want somehow to find that place where there is grace and forgiveness and where there is strength for tomorrow.

The Holy Scriptures are full of warnings both in commands and in examples against sexual sin. These commands witness to the power ungodly sex can have over us. I suppose we men are more susceptible to this power; but as we see from all three cases above, women are not exempt. The Ten Commandments warn us against committing adultery. The rest of the Mosaic Law warns against incest, bestiality, and homosexuality. David, Israel’s second king, stands as a prime example of the destructive nature of adultery and how his sin brought death and chaos to his family. Solomon, interestingly enough the second son of David and Bathsheba, warned against the allure of the adulteress. In a conversation Jesus had with His disciples, He listed thirteen evils that emanate from the defiled human heart. Of the thirteen, three—fornication, adultery, and sensuality—are of a sexual nature. (NOTE: I chose to use the NASB because I think it translates fornication best. However, the word sensuality might better be translated lewdness or licentiousness.)

There is no question that when we confess our sin, He who is faithful and just will forgive us our sin and cleanse us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9). But is it also true that there are consequences to sin, consequences that more often than not cause great pain to those around us affected by our sin. So it is right that when we sin we confess, and it is better that we confess without being caught first so that the confession does not just look like something we do because we got caught. Men, if we are involved in pornography or adultery or before marriage in fornication or any other form of sexual sin, we need to own up to our sin. We need to repent, and we need to do whatever it takes to restore the relationships we break because of our sin.

And whether we are in sexual sin or not, we also need to protect ourselves against the temptations that so easily entangle us. Here again we need to man up. It is no one’s fault but our own when we fall, when we fail. So it is also no one else’s responsibility to keep us faithful to our vows, to our promises, and to our faith. We need to take the steps that make it hard to fall. Maybe we need internet filters like Covenant Eyes; or if we are not able to stay away from nudity and pornography, we need to use our computers only with others around us or be off the internet completely. Maybe we need accountability partners. At the very least, we should all have safe browsing turned on so that when we are surfing the internet, we are not bombarded with tempting imagery. More than likely we need to give our wives all our passwords and information about all our memberships and internet activities: Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram. We need to be vulnerable and transparent. The only secrets we should have are what we are getting her for her birthday and for Christmas.

Ladies, if you are a wife, we need your help. Please understand the battle that we face, as one author has called it "every man’s battle." Please be our partners against the temptations that assault us from every side, from every magazine cover at the grocery store, from every beer commercial, from every scantily clad teenage or twenty something girl that crosses our view, and from the assaults so prevalent in social media. For example, I recently read a blog where Pinterest was referred to as “Satan’s scrapbook.” You can help us who have Pinterest boards by holding Pinterest accountable to their own nudity and pornography policies. Do a regular scan of the public boards and report offenses; they are in the multiples of thousands, probably even millions. If enough of you helped police Pinterest, they might get the idea that they need to clean up their site. Know how to check the bowser history on your computers and ask questions if you find large chunks of deleted history. Partner with us in how we spend our time and how we use our money. Another idea is that you engage with us in a discussion of how sexuality in marriage can be healthy and wholesome. I will not be among the voices demanding that you be hyper sexual as a means of protecting us against temptation. It is not your responsibility to use sex to protect us. That is demeaning and demanding and in my opinion a wrong way to approach the beauty of the sexual union in marriage. There may however be something to say about how partnering with us in healthy marriage sex helps us keep a proper perspective about sex and its allure. Consider a site like …to Love, Honor, and Vacuum as a place to start engaging in healthy Christian marriage conversations. Without being mean or overly suspicious, hold us accountable for how we live out our Christian witness. Be our helpmates and confidants as we walk this life together.

The allure of sex is powerful, the temptations are strong, and the technology of our day has made it ever so much easier to sin. If and when we do sin, we must own up to our sin so that we can experience the grace of forgiveness and the wholeness of healing. And so that we do not sin, we need to remember first that “no temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it” (1 Corinthians 10:13 NASB). Secondly, we can remember that we are a family, a community of believers who are called to bear and to support. While sin is individual and the responsibility not to sin is individual, we can help each other stay pure by encouraging each other and holding each other accountable to right living.